I tend to take on more than I can actually handle. God only made my arms so big. I set really high expectations for myself. I don't know maybe I feel like that is what a stay at home mother is supposed to do? I have to this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and so on. The problem: I am stretching myself thin. I then become upset with when I fail. I have to change this thought process and lower my personal daily expectations.
I never say "NO", because I don't want to hurt some one's feelings. I am a people people pleaser. I will bend over backwards just to please you. . I have to learn to say "NO" and understand that it's not going to hurt your feelings because I need to put that time somewhere else. I could use that time with my family, or in my own home.
I never like asking for help. I don't like it when someone helps me because then I feel like I am doing something wrong. I am not the type to correct putting dishes in the dishwasher, folding the clothes, making the bed, etc. I can accept that you have your way and I have mine. I may go behind you a little and help somewhat. Yet, I can't stand for someone to actually help me. I can't stand it when you hear someone "huff and puff" because they would do it this way or that way. I would rather not have the help. I sabotage myself this way.
There are days that I don't ever eat because I can't seem to make it to the kitchen to do that for myself, (my children eat..just not me). I have issues with my sugar, hypoglycemia to be exact. So this is one that I can't afford to do. I have to eat. I have to make time to sit down and eat. I just hate making the mess and would rather save the cleaning up for something else. I know that sounds silly, but it's true.
I tend to push away people that do try to help, because I feel like I am the one that has to do it all. I don't know why I do this. I know that my husband will help if I ask him to, I just don't want to ask. I guess I feel that I shouldn't always have to ask. However, when he does help, I get defensive. Again, very silly, but I do. I feel like it's expected of me to do it all...laundry, washing dishes, sweeping, moping, cleaning bathrooms, the kitchen, taking care of the kids 24/7, errands, grocery shopping, teaching, taking care of the dogs, and the list continues.
Even though I know that I am NOT superwoman I try really hard to be her. I try to get it all done. I try really hard. I hate failing. I hate disappointing someone. I hate having to stop to take care of me. I hate that I can't do it all. I hate that I have to ask for help. I hate that I try so hard to please.
BUT, I have to stop and realize that I am only one person trying to take care of 3 people (not including me). It will be alright if I have a bad day, just don't allow them to run into each other. It's alright that I didn't finish everything on my list because there is always tomorrow~but did I spend time with my children. Did I make them smile? Did I make them laugh? Did I hold them and tell them that I love them? In the end that's all that really matters....my children. Was I a super hero to them?