Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Sometimes I need a break...

I love my children more than anyone could ever imagine. I know - every mother says that. But for me it is true. I am with them 24/7. I wake up to them in the morning, whether they are screaming or gently wakening, and feed, play, teach, mother, referee, pray, with them all day until they go back to bed. At that point is when I sit on the couch like a zombie trying to figure out do I want to read and use the last few brain cells that may still be functioning or do I want to just sit there in silence and pray that they sleep. Why pray that they sleep? Because my 3 year old still wakes through the night. She wakes up and cries all through the night, why? I really don't know. Of course, the baby is still wakening through the night, why? I am hoping it's because that is what they are supposed to do, because no one here sleeps. I am not wanting to complain about the no sleep but I may get about 10-15 hours a week. I am exhausted. My body literally hurts and I feel like I am going nuts. In the last couple of weeks I have even given out my phone number and it wasn't even the right number! I also drink way too much coffee in hopes that I will keep up with them.

I think it would be awesome to have someone that could help .It is really hard for me to read how some people have help during the day, or their kids get to go their parents (grandparents) and spend the night, or they get to go on dates, or even to have a trip to the grocery store by themselves. I pray that they never take it for granted. My mom is really sick and isn't able to help like other moms, she does support me emotionally though:). I have family but no one ever offers to help, or they do then they back out. I am to prideful to ask for the help as well. Maybe, it's a two way street? I don't care about having 8 hours of sleep - mainly because my body wouldn't know what to do with that. I just want to go on a date with my husband. I want some one to take the older 2 children for the day (I would mind all 3 but I don't think anyone would). I would love to go sit somewhere and drink a whole cup of coffee while it's still warm. I would love the help.

I debated on writing this but I wanted to not because I want to have a pity party and want everyone to join but because I want another mom that is going through the same thing to know that she is not alone. I know because I am there. I am there and I feel all alone. I feel like my friends may think I am crazy, so they never get the whole story. I feel like my family may think that I am begging for help so I play it off as it's really okay. But I really need a break. I really, really, really do. Yes, I am married but my husband so doesn't understand. He loves coming home and being here, and doesn't understand why I want a few hours to myself. He hasn't seen me all week and I get his side of it but I feel like it's my only chance to go, lol!

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