Monday, August 12, 2013

A day in his shoes

It isn't easy being a mom and when you add in the Autism factor then you definitely can have some hard days. I guess it isn't really about me as much as it is about him. I don't think I ever want to walk in his shoes...but I wish I keep him from getting hurt.

Today, was one of those days when you know that your child is different. I am ALWAYS talking to him about "joining" in with the boys. "Go ahead and join in with them", I say. I want him to have friends and hate that he may feel alone. We role play and come up with different ways to ask if "he can play". Yet, I don't know if we have really covered what happens when the answer is "no". Maybe, because I never thought that they would say no. I just figured someone in the group would say yes. 

Today, I watched from a distance but I could still hear what was being said and my son actually asked to join in on the fun that was about to happen! Yes! He actually asked. My heart was filled with joy because I knew that was hard for him, but HE ASKED!!! At first, they said no politely. So he asked about a specific toy and they told him "If he wanted you to play with that toy then he would have offered that to you. It's his toy". He stood there shocked and a little confused because aren't we supposed to share? That is what he has been taught to do with his friends and with his siblings. He also has been taught this is the right thing to do, you share. I think my heart literally broke as they walked away and never looked back. I quickly gathered my things and played it off like we had plans and had to leave. 

When we reached the car, I told him I was proud of him. I am, really proud. I will never know how hard it was for him to even ask and then to be told "No" anyways. What a huge letdown. I know it's never easy to make friends, I know that it is never easy to be the one left out either. It hurts. It hurts deep. There are no words to describe someone, let alone, a group of kids not wanting you to be a part of them. Not letting you join in. My heart is broken even more because I know their moms. I wonder if I am the only one that actually heard them? 

I want to talk to him about it but really don't know how to. I don't even know where to start. Do I just let it go at that? This is something that happens over and over and over again. I am so ready for him to have a friend. I don't care if he has 10 friends, or 4 friends...I just want him to have one. Then that way I would know that he isn't alone. I don't know how to make that happen, how do I help him find that one? I pray that one will come along. I am so tired of seeing him hurt by kids that consistently "out" him. 

What is really sad is they will never know what an amazing friends he could be. He is loyal, funny, great with Lego's, drawing, and would be a wonderful friend if they would just stop for a minute and say YES! 

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